Giving Thanks

I had started this post yesterday morning before heading out to my Mom's house. I had a list of things I was thankful for and how I love Thanksgiving (especially all that great food).

I would like to be able to say that my Thanksgiving was perfect but alas cannot. Barring the turkey and additional family members at the table, it frankly did not feel like Thanksgiving at all. Things with my Mom did not get off on the right foot and she and I never hit a stride after that. My Aunt arrived and offered another set of hands to help but things with my Mom were a bit tense. When she dropped the turkey (thankfully upright and on the oven door) my blood pressure was through the roof and patience utterly gone. And of course, I felt bad for reacting that way.

I know my Mom has her demons that she has been trying to battle. And I appreciate her efforts but am once again disappointed that things are not different. I feel foolish because I allowed myself to have the barest of hope that this time she would get her act together and come to her senses. I am currently devoid of hope.

I could not wait to get home last night and put an end to the day. I spent the evening on my couch, cat in my lap, tea in hand, magazine to read and tissues nearby. Really not how I wanted to celebrate the holiday.

I am utterly worn out. I am a strong person but really feel at the end of my rope. I feel bruised, actually more like being chewed up and spit out. I wanted to hide today and lick my wounds but I am happy that I roused myself to go and see a movie I wanted to see.

So I am trying to be grateful for what I have but am not really thankful for this feeling that I am not important to people in my life.

Weekend Dreams

I am not sure what was in the air this weekend but it seemed prime for a bevy of odd dreams. I had a dream about a wedding and my inappropriate wedding guest. As it turns out so did my Mom. The difference was that while my guest was human, my mom's guest was feline. My feline to be exact. While my cat likes people, I can assure you he would make a terrible wedding guest.

Another friend of mine was lucky enough to have me make a guest appearance in his dream. Except he got a rather rude version of me that left me feeling like I needed to apologize for the behavior of the dream me. Those who know me can vouch I am not a rude person during waking hours!

It was funny as dreams were indeed quite on my mind this week. Not the nocturnal kind per se but the kind that deal with what I want. I've got some things I am not quite happy with in my life that I need to make some decisions about. Luckily yoga this morning helped a bit and some time this week to clear my head should do the trick.

Trick or Treat

Of course when one thinks of Halloween of course it brings to mind pumpkins, black cats,candy corn, orchids. Yes, orchids at the annual orchid show at Tower Hill.

This year brought a very blustery Halloween. As night fell, the howling wind and dark was really quite spooky. The wind was also not very helpful to the wings that my costume required. I was a bee. Not a slutty bee however (given the alarming trend of women's Halloween costumes to be quite inappropriate I feel the need to clarify).

My costume started with a bright yellow t shirt that I merely needed to apply stripes to. It was easier that is sounds. Luckily I know my way around a fabric store so I was able to solve the problem after three attempts. My initial thought of using black duct tape and then ribbons and iron-on interfacing were both spectacularly unsuccessful. The winner was black fabric paint. Of course, one curious feline made her mark on my white kitchen floor by walking over the wet shirt. Luckily the prints wiped right off the floor and her paws.

If was a fun evening with a bunch of trick or treaters outside my door, antenna that did not quite prove to be so easy to drive with and wings. The wind did indeed cause an issue so I had to tuck my wings under my coat to arrive at my friend's Halloween Housewarming party. It was a fun evening with some interesting costumes and great conversation. The best line of the night from a person I had just met was "When not being a bee, what do you enjoy doing?" All in all, it was a very Happy Halloween.

By the Book

For a town that can find the majority of the riders on the subway with their noses stuck in a book, it was surprising that Boston had never had a book festival. Well, that all changed. The Boston Book Festival was a great way to spend a rainy Saturday. It took place in Copley all around the Boston Public Library. There was a great color coded chart of the various events and speakers. The best part, it was free. (There were a few ticketed events but those were identified on the chart).

The events I wanted to see was going to result in some speedy sprinting from point A to B but I had faith I could do it. I started out at the Old South Church to see the delightful John Hodgman being interviewed by Tom Perrotta. The church was packed and I was lucky to squeeze into a seat. It was a great interview with a ton of laughs. Even the oft annoying audience questions were entertaining.

I then had to sprint over to the library to attend the The Future of Reading: Books without Pages event moderated by David Pogue of the New York Times. It was insightful to see learn more about the massive book digitization project Google is undertaking. While there are now several e-book readers on the market now, I was surprised to learn that that no matter which brand of e-book reader you use, the market for material is limited to only a few providers of content. That seems to narrow the playing field a bit. While the technology is impressive to me (imagine thinking of a book, downloading it on the spot and reading it) I have issues with the DRM constraints and the fact that, as a very tactile person, I love feeling the pages beneath my fingers.

It was a long day but I managed to get a head start on my Halloween costume. It took a few stores to find just what I needed but I was ultimately successful. I credit the organizers of the book festival and truly hope this is an annual event.

Where to Begin

I once again have had quite the last few weeks. I attended a great concert that saw 2,000 people go completely silent for a completely unplugged song. There was an Oktoberfest charity event at the Sam Adams brewery. An amusing belly dancing class, a few heart to heart talks, non-stop work and yet more drama there, lack of sleep, cat still on the mend, jury duty and I was frankly at the end of my very frayed rope.

So what's a girl to do? This girl picked up the phone and called the lovely people at the Spa at Norwich Inn. I decided to ship myself off for a night away. I could not contain my excitement about going. I left on Thursday morning and had my trusty Google maps to guide me. I had been to the Spa once before with Mom but it had been awhile. I didn't think twice that perhaps Google was wrong until I ended up in Groton on the water. The Spa, being in the woods and in Norwich, was clearly not showing up correctly on Google Maps. So I got to the spa a little later than I planned. But I was thankfully not late for any of my treatments.

A scrub and body wrap, facial, pedicure, lunch, tea and scones, wine tasting and a fabulous dinner had me extremely relaxed when I finally made my way back to my giant room. The surprise of the day was how cold it was outside and the fact that it snowed! It was the perfect day to be in a robe, in front of a fire reading a book and drinking one of many cups of tea. It is always funny to see how people react to having to wear a robe all day. Do you strip down completely? Leave something on underneath? Change in front of the entire women's locker room and leave modesty behind? It was fun watching ladies wrestling with their decisions. I did not have a quandary being a regular attendee of spas and the gym.

I continued my time off with a nice dinner and catching up with a friend on Friday night and to cheer a friend on who was rowing in the Head of the Charles this weekend. It was actually not as cold Saturday as originally forecast, standing on a bridge looking out over the Charles. I do love watching to rowers. It's such an elegant sport with everyone moving in unison.

A Week Dalí Wouldn't Have Blinked At

Last week, in addition to being the absolute busiest work week, contained more surreal moments than I cared for. It was a week of horrific news with the murder of a co-worker, people who were unexpectedly there for me and those we were expectedly not. I attended two wakes and spent more time in my hometown that I have in years with more family at my Mom's for dinner than normal. It was well worth it though to spent lots of time laughing in the kitchen with the ladies of my family.

One of the wakes was for my former step-grandmother. My dad and second step-mom's divorce effectively rendered former relatives to distant stranger status overnight. It was an interesting wake where I saw people I haven't seen for years (my former step brother and sister for instance.) It was indeed weird. But I went to pay my respects to a woman who treated my brother and I kindly and made sure we were well fed.

I also worked late every night in preparation of the weekend project. Given my coworker, who was my right hand with this process, abruptly quit and left work I was indeed flying solo. Of course, we hit a snag that resulted in my getting less than 2 hours of sleep and working non-stop on Sunday. I am still out of whack with my sleep and need a weekend to catch up.

Political Discourse

The last two weeks have really taken their toll. Drama abounded and it was really too much. Luckily, I had some moments of brief reprieve at the pool. The photo of the sunflowers makes me smile, as it makes me think of sitting by the pool. And also of Nik who enjoyed grazing on that particular plant.

It was while I was visiting my Mom I go to hear the story of her drama that blew all the other drama away. We are a family of rather feisty women. Anyone who knows me will probably not be surprised by that. Well, my Mom decided to speak out against a local political issue that had the local councilor involved in what clearly was an ethics violation.

So my rational Mom decided to speak up. With her five very well thought out talking points, she called the rep. He was clearly not appreciative of my Mom's thoughts and yelled at her, hung up on her, claimed she was harassing him and called the police on her. Yes, called the police. I could understand if my Mom had been irate and yelling, but she was not.

So off to the police station my Mom went. The officer who was handling the case, told my Mom she was not the only one this rep had called the police about. Long story short, my Mom was free to exercise her freedom of speech with no arrest. And had a little field trip to the police station.

This story of course raised my ire. How dare this person pick on my Mom? I am indeed fiercely protective of those I love. I was ready to march down the street to his house and give this man a piece of my mind. Clearly he is not in the right job as a public servant who has to, shockingly, deal with the public.

What A Day

We are finally in the grip of summer here and it's wonderful. Today was a hot day and there was nothing better to do than spend the day by my Dad's pool. The pool was at a warm 80 degrees and it felt perfect. I enjoyed just floating in the water chatting with my Dad and Stepmom.

It was also a day for a variety of conversational topics. From gun safety to family drama, world events and commentary on the wide variety of the natural world we could see in the yard. From the mud wasp that almost flew into me while I was in the pool, to butterflies, bees, hummingbird moths, dragonflies, barn swallows, mourning doves and the highly poisonous monkshood plant that is ready to bloom by the pool. The flowers are usually a beautiful blue and overall it's a pretty plant that belies it's toxic nature. All of this was punctuated by the sound of apples from the ancient apple trees falling to the ground with an alarming thud. It would be advisable not to stand under that tree without a hard hat right now.

Overworked

The above photo was from the fierce storms a week ago Friday. They had cleared out and the sky was alternately pretty and ominous with such an odd red color. This past Friday was the polar opposite - calm, sunny, pleasantly warm. Weird how varied the weather has been this summer.

While I am done the near constant travel, work has not let up at any rate. I am still doing battle with my clueless boss and carrying a job that would require about 2 more people to accomplish. It's frustrating and I can really feel it starting to burn me out. Luckily this week brought a full house at work of salespeople here for various trainings. A lot of them were people I had just seen at the recent Siebel training and it was helpful they were there to ask questions or for help with some technical issues. One was even so nice as to give me a huge gift bag of candy and other fun desk toys! She was so sweet though I have eaten far too many Charms Blow Pops! It was nice catching up with some of the other reps I know and provided a nice respite from the stress of being my group. At least some people appreciate me and thank me for the hard work I do.

It was a physically demanding week as I was significantly more active than the sit on a plane, sit in a conference room workout that I have been getting. It also brought another first. I have never seen anyone try to sort out a relationship issue using a flip chart. Granted, the database side of my brain thought this eminently practical. But in matters of friendship and/or love, sometimes things defy explanation. Even in you write them on a flip chart.

The Fighting Irish

Well work has not gotten any better with my boss now channeling his boss' ill feelings towards me. This means that this week will be a battle, which has me exhausted. I just want to do my job, not deal with the petty falsehoods that keep getting thrown at me.

I was happy to have taken Friday off. I sorely needed a day off after everything. I was going to head to the beach but my Dad offered up pool time and I accepted. The ladies were heading to Boston so it was man day at the pool, plus me.

Things started off ok with hot weather and a perfect pool temp. There were plenty of beers flowing and not a lot of food. I was not in any mood to drink at all. The day was a lot of fun, but definitely took a turn for the worse. My brother and father decided to have it out. Nothing quite like two stubborn, lubricated with beer, Irishmen and a wrong (perceived or real). I, being an equally stubborn but stone cold sober Irish girl decided to break things up. The men in my family are know for their temper and while I have that temper, it rarely comes to the surface. It was in full force breaking up my brother and Dad. I got my brother to my car and took him home. The whole time all I wanted to do was eat my hot dog as I was starving.

Luckily my hot dog was unscathed and even better with a boatload of adrenaline in my system. It is not one of my high points having to break up my Dad and brother from a fight, but I am glad I was there. I will be sending both of them the bill for my massage this weekend and my next 5 yoga classes :-)

Birthday on the Road

Of course it was my birthday and of course I spent it just the way I wanted - in Dallas working my butt off. Actually I would have rather been sitting by the pool or on the beach. But the database relaunch rolled on and of course, the only day I would have taken off in July would be the day I had to fly to Dallas. It turned out to be a good birthday, in spite of being away from all my friends and family here.

The funny thing about my birthday is that as much as it always involves fireworks (due to it's falling right after the 4th of July) and lobsters there is another constant that means it's my birthday. Peach pie. My stepmom always makes me a peach pie. This year she made it for the 4th since I would be there. The only problem was that the pie ended up on the dessert table. Well of course it got eaten. My stepmom was so upset. I did point out that I was traveling so a pie would have gone to waste. Luckily birthday pie #2 was safe from the dessert table.

Crustaceans and Pyrotechnics

Of course if it's the Fourth of July then it must mean a cookout with my family. While last year it was a delicious pig roast this year went more with an ocean theme. Steamers and a lobster bake (lobsters, kielbasa, potatoes, corn) all cooked over hot rocks under a blanket of seaweed and wet burlap. Everything was incredible and my lobster was quite a monster. The lobster cracker proved no match for the massive claw that took prodding with a hammer to yield it's meat.

It was also nice to be outside. It was not a particularly hot day but the sun was shining and it was nice to quite to relax and catch up with family. After working non stop and getting ready for travel, I needed a break. Of course being the 4th of July in addition to good food there also were amazing fireworks. All in all a great day!

Busy. Busy. Busy.

Since life has been nothing but chaotic and drama filled over the last two weeks, I am first focusing on the lovely peonies in the photo. They are birthday peonies (really they are just plain peonies but since it's my birthday weekend they are birthday peonies). They have all opened into their fluffy blooms and the scent is amazing and makes me smile every time I catch a whiff. The benefit of buying peonies and not merely cutting them from the garden is there are no ants.

I do love flowers that actually have a scent and as the woman in front of me at Trader Joe's yesterday said, there is nothing more disappointing than a gorgeous rose that doesn't smell like anything. All flash and no substance. When I pointed out I knew people like that, she chuckled.

Work has been continued drama with my clueless boss and his boss who dislikes me. I, not being a shrinking violet, marched to HR to defend myself and the drama continues. Basically instead of focusing on all the things I did accomplish (and worked my butt off last weekend for) I got dinged for such minor items that I am truly insulted. So once my travel in July for the database relaunch is done it may be time to move on. It sucks not being appreciated for all my hard work.

Beautiful Brides

June of course is the ever popular month for weddings. This June brought me two to attend. The first was a lovely Friday wedding with a Catholic ceremony. I do often feel like I will break into hives upon entering a Catholic church and this was no exception. Luckily once the ceremony was done, the reception was lovely.

The second wedding was an utterly delightful one. I am not often weepy at weddings but I have to say this one did. Watching the brides walking down the aisle (yes it was two brides, no groom) just choked me up. Of course I did not have tissues but it was ok. They looked so beautiful and happy. It was delightful to see. And the ceremony and vows were all about equality, friendship, love, support, respect and all the things that sometimes get lost in the Catholic marriage ceremony. Of course you add to it the fact that they could only get married in 6 states and the fact that our Federal Government will clobber them on the tax front and it was nice to see that since they love each other, they got married. This wedding also had the sweetest speech ever given in the history of brothers to their sisters. Or the history of a wedding frankly.

The reception was so very much fun. The mix of guests, the food and the entertainment was all wonderful. What entertainment you may ask? A drag queen of course :-)

She was fabulous in her brightly colored attire that brought to mind a tropical bird of some sort. She made sure to include a Cyndi Lauper song for the brides and entertained the hell out of the rest of us. There were the requisite fiercely blushing hetero guys who did not quite know what to make of her attention but it was so much fun. And talk about an ice breaker. Once the show was done, the dance floor was packed with guests, brides and one sure to be exhausted flower girl :-)

You Don't Like Me? Well I Don't Like You.

Of course I have been flat out busy at work getting ready for this week and the kickoff training for the rather important database relaunch at work. Have my efforts and nights of work been appreciate? Not even close.

Late Tuesday night and an acceptance for a meeting in July sent by my boss's boss (Mr. X we shall call him) set off a chain of emails that at best bordered on irrational and worst straight harassment. I was extremely surprised and did my best to remain rational and calm in my responses while his just kept ratcheting up in how irrational and off base they were. I certainly did not appreciate being in the airport waiting to head out for the training and getting these emails on my BB. I finally involved my boss and resolved to deal with it when I returned.

Friday approaches and with it the meeting with my boss to discuss the nasty situation. Per usual, my boss was 5 minutes late and when he walked in the room he promptly looked at the clock and announced he has another meeting to go to and our meeting should not take long. Great thanks for squeezing me into your busy day.

He started the meeting by telling me what a good job I had done with the training. Then he launched into Mr. X's irrational behavior. My boss said it had to be uncomfortable for me to be under the microscope like I have been and how unpleasant the situation was. I agreed. Then what he said next just stunned me. He told me that Mr. X did not like me and had a "negative perception" of me and I needed to work on changing that. Um, ok. Wait, what? Doesn't like me? Are we in high school?

So there was no example or instance where this could have started and I, in fact, have no idea why this man does not like me. I don't like him so we're on the same page. That does not give him the right to make my life at work a living hell however. I am still livid and certainly not looking forward to heading to work on Monday. It is a great spur to get my resume up to date however. You just never know, and though I was never a Boy Scout, I find it best to be prepared.

Far Too Exciting

This weekend has been very busy (when aren't mine busy is probably a better point to make). A wedding on Friday, the weekend of graduations and parties and all kinds of other fun events that kept me out of the house.

Which was good because my current vacuum has been slowly dying. It sucks, and not in the good way for someone living with pets. Lately vacuuming has consisted of me running the vacuum over a clump of fur on the carpet. Again. And one more time. Finally I would reach down and just pick it up. Not very effective.

So after extensive research and a trip looming (I always clean my house before I travel. It's always nice to come home to a clean house) I finally joined the cult of Dyson. I went with the Dyson D25 Animal. I did balk a bit at the price tag, but given I need a new vacuum every 2 years it seemed worth it.

When I finally had a few minutes at home, I unpacked and assembled it. It was very easy and well designed. I do appreciate well designed packaging and products. I was excited to try it out but ran into an odd problem. It was so pretty and had new vacuum smell that I did not want to get it dirty! I was finally able to overcome that and let me tell you, what a difference. It's so maneuverable and the fur it sucked up was amazing. And the best benefit for the cats, other than the fun, big box it came in, was that it's not as loud and my previous vacuum. So no panicked felines running away. Now I have a clean house and relaxed cats. What more could I ask for in a weekend really.

Petals Falling Like Snow

It has been a week of chaos (yes I am aware it's only Wednesday evening). I am so busy at work I cannot even see an end in sight or a possible way to get everything done without cloning myself. Add to that some family issues and friend drama and, well, it's not made me a happy girl.

I get restless when I spend so much time in front of the computer, cell phone and blackberry and though I had to work again tonight, I needed to get out and away from it all. It was while taking a walk that I rounded the corner and my neighbor's wonderfully scented, white blossomed covered tree caught a breeze. I was suddenly caught in a downpour of white, tear shaped petals that reminded me of snow. It was so pretty that I just stood for a moment and absorbed the scene. Much like yoga, it was enough to get me centered and calm for a moment.

The moment did not last as I got back home. I have two trainings to do tomorrow and the first one is going to be really difficult. The group is wrestling with the complexity of what they will use the database for and I am plotting how best to convey that in clear, concise terms to them. I've got some ideas so we'll see. I was lucky to be able to bounce them off a friend, who in exchange for being my sounding board, was able to elicit a few laughs as he vented about his rather interesting day.

Potted Basil and Altered Perception

This has been quite the weekend. Saturday's weather was delightful and perfect for a day spent on the Charles River Esplanade watching a concert of bands I haven't really thought much of since their heyday. It was great to be outside sitting on the banks of the river catching up with friends. The celebration was Earthfest and had the requisite pro-Earth freebies and giveaways. The most interesting ones were the free tomato or basil plants that Home Depot were giving away. It was very odd watching people roaming around holding basil plants. The best was when we finally wandered to Newbury Street to eat. It was really funny to see one of the basil plants on the table almost like we brought out own herbs to dinner.

Today started on the wrong foot as I went to bed with a raging headache and woke up with it still firmly in place. It abated enough for me to go my much needed yoga class. I find I get some much needed perspective upside down and dripping in sweat :-)

It is one of those weekends where you thought you knew all about a person or a situation and then all of a sudden everything has changed. I am no stranger to change and rather enjoy it. But I was distracted and am trying to put things in some sort of order. The weather today seemed to mirror my mood. We had sun, rain, lightning and thunder all throughout the afternoon and a frost warning tonight.

Luckily with the help of gravity (from more than a few Down Dogs), a pedicure and some good food I am getting myself sorted out and ready for an incredibly busy week.

Not Happy

It's been a busy week with me stuck in a 3 day training class and having to catch up with my work. It also was a week with two 90 degree days. It was a nice taste of early summer which I enjoyed. The cats, were not in agreement with me however. They were clearly not happy with the warmth. After the second day of this weather, Hobbes had clearly had enough. I walked back into the kitchen last night and found him just sprawled out on the tiles. As he saw me, he lifted his head, let out a pitiful meow and put his head back down. We had apparently reached the Molten Feline Level. I do have AC but with the windows open it was actually cooling off and quite pleasant. With cooler temps coming tomorrow, I know he will be much happier.

Nary A Tutu In Sight

Last week was such a busy one that I really looked forward to the events of Friday night. I was joining my friend for an evening at the Boston Ballet. It was the 100th anniversary of the Ballets Russes which seemed interesting. It was but the drama started with my arrival one minute before the curtain was set to go up. And there is no late seating. I made the mistake of taking the T one quick stop. It would be faster than the walk across the Common, or so I thought. It was not. We got halfway between the stops and we came to a stop. The announcement that followed was that we were stopped due to "a move". A move? That was all the detail given and it left me wondering were we moving a train, a body, performing a dance move, moving furniture? I do not know and as I sat looking at my watch I knew I was going to have to sprint to the theater. And sprint I did. I made it with no time to spare, but it was not the way I wanted to start the evening.

No sooner did we settle into our seats, the lights went down. We were getting ready for the curtain to raise when this older couple stood right in front of us, clearly looking for their seats. Of course the man was sitting right in front of my friend. He had this big shopping bag that he was trying to wedge into the row without success. He then sat down and put the bag over the railing into the aisle where it fell and dumped it's contents with a lot of clatter. It was full of empty cans and bottles. We were dying to know the back story of how this man came to be at the ballet with a bag full of redeemable bottles and cans.

The four dances we saw were quite varied. One did not so much resemble ballet but more, as my friend pointed out, indignant moving. We got more dancing with the last dance. There is something about seeing a troupe of dancers moving in unison and the sound of the toe shoes as they land.