Like a Virgin

So today I heard from my friend, let's call him R. He's in his upper 30's. Apparently he's been seeing a girl, we'll call her Mary. She's in her upper 20's and very religious. They've been out as a part of a group and hadn't even held hands. Granted there is a very large height difference that may also preclude hand holding!

Apparently they spent all weekend together. Cut to the evening and he's going to sleep over. Of course, he's assuming that what happens when you have a date and sleep over will happen. So they are in bed and that's when she tells him that she's a virgin. The timing could have been a bit better!

By the time you are post college, you pretty much assume that once you're in bed with someone they have done this before. And there is a huge difference between being a teenage virgin and an almost 30 year old virgin.

I think that with someone who's religious and held out this long there can only be one reason. Saving yourself for marriage. This is not a fun situation. If she does decide he's the "one" what's his obligation? Are you pledging something about the relationship that's just started? What if she has religious remorse about the whole thing? Is her family going to show up to beat the crap out of you? The one positive I pointed out to him is that if he's terrible, she won't know!

R thinks he should do research. I don't think there is a "Deflowering a Virgin for Dummies" book. He also seems to be viewing this as the Fates trying to tell him something about his life, particularly after a really bad relationship. I guess the Fates are telling him not to have sex. Hmm, fate does work in a mysterious way!