The Man With the M&M Tattoo

I seem to be meeting a lot of people lately who have been out of the dating game for a few years and are now are back in. Given I am usually a person asked for advice and my dating experience, I’ve been thinking about a few guidelines.

I used to be a 34.
Men who have “skinny” clothes in their closet with their regular clothes should be avoided. These are men who are living in the past, looking to return to some ideal weight they saw once twenty years ago and will never get back to. They also don't have the firmest grip on reality since they are pining for something that will never happen again.

Gnome gone bad.
To each his own with lawn decorations but avoid anyone who has a garden gnome. Even worse if he names the gnome and creates a back story for it far beyond “I went to the store and bought it” or "It was a gift from my grandma".

With this ring.
Run, do not walk from married men. These men are the consummate liars. They will lie to you, to their wives, family, the clerk at the grocery store, their dog, the air or anyone who comes across their path. If they’ve been cheating long enough, they will believe all the lies to be truth. Avoid them like the plague as anytime you spend on them is time you will never get back. If you want to submit yourself to the torture that is a small taste of what dating a married man is like, go get a Brazilian Bikini wax. In that case at least the pain is productive.

Water water.
Talk about living in the past. Anyone with a “The 70’s called and they want their bed back” water bed is really someone to avoid. If you walk into a man’s bedroom and see one of these, exit stage right.

Jealous Again.
Now it’s one thing to get a little flare of jealousy in the normal course of a relationship but men who are jealous of your job, your pets, your friends, your yoga class or anything that takes your attention away from them are really to be avoided.

Bob Likes Coffee.
Also avoid men who refer to themselves in the third person.
It’s creepy and you will spent a good portion of your time with this man wondering who he’s talking about, until you realize he’s been referring to himself all along.

Excessive toasters.
This has nothing to do with bread but the men who insist on toasting and clinking glasses after every sip. Once is nice. After each sip is annoying. Before you can even put your glass down from the last toast is maddening.

Superstitions are Us.
I once dated a man who, after I accidentally stepped on his foot, stomped on mine and declared it was retribution based on some inane superstition. This same man would not take a fork if you handed it to him. You had to put it down first. It’s exhausting trying to keep track and too puzzling for rational people to make heads or tails of.

Prematurely Speaking.
These are men who want instant relationships. Third date and dinner with the parents. Going away for a weekend after a month. Major holiday and meeting the whole family two months in. A sped up timeline very rarely leads to a successful relationship. This seems to be a common phenomenon of recently single men.

Obsession.
It’s one thing to have an interest in something. It’s a whole other can of worms when it’s unhealthy and all consuming. I dated a man who loved Disney. Not in a “loved Disney as a child” but a “love Disney so much I will go every year like clockwork until I die and will argue vehemently with people who don’t share the same level of interest.”

Art Gone Bad.
Tattoos can be beautiful, representative artwork with a lot of thought, detail and planning behind them. Or they can be awful, uncreative, uninspired collections of ink. Bad tattoos can be very hard to get beyond.

My Mom, My Roommate.
There can be circumstances where someone living at home is understandable. If it’s temporary or due to an illness perhaps. Anything beyond that beware as these men take being a Momma’s boy to a whole other level. If you are looking for a partner, these are not the men you want. You date a man who lives with his mother, at some point he will start treating you like her.

I'm 6'3".
Online dating brings out the creativity in people. Lying about height, weight, activity level are all common. It's best to resist the urge to do the same. And when your date who claimed to be over 6 feet tall shows up and needs a booster seat, take in mind the creativity factor.

Girl Geek Reporting for Duty

While I have attended a Woman's Leadership conference recently and it was a great experience, something was missing. I found the missing piece at the She's Geeky open conference in NYC. Not only did it bring me back to my adopted hometown, but I got to meet other women in technology. It was so nice to discuss the problems and challenges being in a traditionally male field of work. Additionally, the conference took place at Microsoft so we got to take a tour of the Microsoft Executive Briefing Center. The name sounds off putting but it is where Microsoft puts on it's dog and pony show for executives of companies looking for IT solutions. You could immediately tell we were indeed a group of girl geeks when we walking into the room and saw the rows of servers behind the glass wall. They were something to see and it took all I had not to press my face against the glass! We met a fellow IT woman who worked in the center and she was so happy to be with a group of woman instead of the men she usually worked with. We did get quite a few looks from the men in the center who probably wondered who we were. We also got a preview of the new Xbox Kinect. It was interesting to see, especially since it wasn't released to the public yet.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

No I am not channeling any Disney princess moments. Rather I speak of the very cool hotel in NYC that I stayed in. It's hard to pull a hipster penitentiary vibe together but they pulled it off. When I walked into the bathroom for the first time was when I saw what was stencilled on the mirror. LOVE IS MEANT TO MAKE US GLAD. Hmm. True indeed.

I immediately thought of how I felt after chatting with my Gram the night before I left for NY. We were on the phone over an hour and I had the biggest smile on my face the whole time. I am so truly blessed to have an such an amazing woman in my life. My heart was bursting and happy.

Contrast that with the way things went with someone I once cared about who took my love and completely destroyed it. And once he destroyed it, he then tried to keep me close. Yeah good luck with that. I have no time for the delusional or weak of the male species.

As my Gram always says to me "Enjoy your life." And I certainly am!

Birthday in France

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Well I managed to squeeze in a vacation in July. I was lucky enough to head overseas to France. I had friends who were celebrating their recent marriage by renting a castle in the South of France and inviting a bunch of us along. Work prevented me from being able to stay the whole time at the castle but instead I arrived a few days early and spent time in Paris. I hadn't been to Paris in a while and it was so much fun to be there again. My hotel was right on the banks of the Seine and across from the Louvre. I could walk everywhere and had access to several subway stations. I prowled around the city eating my heart out. Cheese, bread, chocolate, croissant. My first night in the city I was a bit jet lagged so I grabbed some food and sat along the banks of the river and had a little picnic.

I met up with friends and we toured the catacombs under Paris. Interesting to see but talk about creepy. It's certainly not a place you want to linger. You have to walk down this very long spiral staircase and back up an equally long one. You just go around and around until you think it wasn't going to end. They do check your bags when you exit, in case you felt the need to steal bones. It was funny to watch as everyone pulled out their Purell when they were done. Even though you don't touch the bones, it's enough to make you feel like you need a shower.


I always love going to Sacre Coeur. It's just so cool to see it rising up the hill as you climb towards it.


While it was great just to prowl around the city with no set schedule I did have to catch a train on Sunday night to head to Cahors on the way to the castle. It was a great train ride on the high speed rails and the time flew by as I chatted with my friend and we watched the scenery.

We arrived at the castle at night and it was pitch dark. The road leading to the castle was one lane and dirt and we were surrounded by farms. It was such a cool experience to sleep in something so ancient. Dinners each night were outside under the trees at this huge table for 30+ people. The food was incredible and I gorged on the cheese course each night. It was so nice to sit and relax with no regard for the time.


The very first day in Promilhanes a big group of us headed out early to go kayaking and canoeing down the Dordogne river. It was quite a chore to get all of us into as few cars as possible for the drive to the river but we did it! My kayaking partner was a bit distracted by the beautiful scenery and I had to paddle for both of us, which resulted in my rubbing the skin off my left thumb from the paddle. But it was a great day! We ended up covering 25 km (15 miles) and the weather was perfect. This part of France has a lot of castles and we saw them perched on the banks of the river as we floated by. We also floated under four stone bridges as part of our journey. You have not truly lived until you have picnicked with the French. I am still not sure where all the food came from but when we stopped for lunch it was a flurry of amazing things to eat. Apricots, tomatoes, sausages of duck and pork, cheese, bread, amazing fennel cookies, and wine of course :-)


On the day of my birthday we headed on a road trip to see some local sights. We got to tour the Roquefort cheese caves and see how the incredible cheese is made. It was heaven. We saw the amazing Millau bridge which is the tallest bridge in the world. To see it from a distance it's quite a stunning bridge. It's when you drive underneath it and realize that you can't hear any of the traffic driving above that you get a sense of the massive scale.


The weather was perfect so after a busy day and lunchtime, we spent some time swimming in the Tarn river and relaxing on the shore. We had to make our way to Belcastel and the most amazing restaurant for dinner. It did require some creative changing to transition from swim suits to dressier clothes for the night but we managed! The town was beautiful and the meal was stunning. We toasted my birthday with champagne with saffron syrup. It was followed by course after course of food, amazing cheeses and both desert and petit-fours. The meal took hours and was certainly a birthday dinner I will never forget.


The next day I had to take the train back to Paris and then the plane home. I ended up being up for 24 hours in a row between travel and time differences. I was happy to get back but certainly would have loved to stay longer.

Goodbye My Handsome Orange Kitty

It was a tough week dealing with the unexpected loss of my cat, Hobbes. He had been sick but I didn't think it was as bad as it was. I had both cats at the vet for their annual appointment and it quickly became apparent that I was going to go home with only one cat. These past few days without him have had me getting used to his absence. He was always around, more like a dog than a cat.

So, much in the vein of what I did when I lost Nik here are a few things about my kitty.

He would often sleep with a glimpse of his little pink tongue sticking out. I would occasionally put a drop of milk on it when he was sleeping to watch his reaction at the unexpected treat.

I did not sleep alone. If I said it was time for bed, he would head to bed. If I was reading, he'd always reach out a paw to touch my arm. And then he would get annoyed when I would move that arm to flip the pages. When the lights went out, he would sleep touching me. If he really missed me, he would sleep on my chest or head. It was like having a heart attack or sleeping with a big, furry hat.

Right before he'd fall asleep, he'd give one long, drawn out purr like he was shutting down.

He was not the best hunter. He once caught a bird, but it was because it pretty much flew into his mouth. His prey was the dead autumn leaves that would swirl outside my door each Fall.

He was a polydactyl cat, which gave him thumbs. He could open most doors and once opened my freezer door while I was at work. He also once broke into my neighbors kitchen in the middle of the night to eat their cat's food.

He was mostly good to Jack but occasionally he would have to be in the spot she was in and would annoy her until she left and he could have it.

Whenever I would come home, he'd meet me at the door. The minute I would sit down he'd climb in my lap, even if I was only sitting for a minute to tie my shoes.

He was the center of attention, even if there was a houseful of people here. He'd plop down into the middle of everyone with his white belly up just waiting for someone to pet him. He did have a chauvinistic streak and would forget all about me if a man was in the house (friend, neighbor, Verizon guy).

He was my tri-state kitty (MA, CT, and NY). I adopted him when he was 6 weeks old and he was loaded with fleas. Which he promptly gave to Jack. There were baths and I got many scratches to resolve that issue.

He was always there to cheer me up. No matter if I was sick, sad, angry, broken hearted, depressed or just not myself he was there to purr and purr until I felt better. He also never minded if I cried and my tears fell into his fur.

Goodbye my boy. Thank you for everything. You are sorely missed.

Do you have family in South Dakota?

Oddly when I mentioned to people that I was spending Memorial Day weekend in South Dakota, without fail the majority of the people I told asked me if I had family there. The theory being that no one clearly would go there unless they had to. It was also alarming to realize how few people actually knew that Mount Rushmore was in South Dakota. I'm not sure where people think it is.

Of course, Mount Rushmore was indeed a big draw for going to the state. It was an amazing monument and it was interesting to learn about how it was created (most of the carving was accomplished with dynamite). To see the exhibit about how it was built made you realize how difficult a job it would have been.

The Crazy Horse monument was not nearly as done as I thought. It actually isn't done at all. They have a lot of work to do but it should be amazing when they get it done finally. It's going to be an immense work. The Indian Museum of North America had some interesting exhibits.

When you are out west you can't help but think of buffalo. The Custer National Park has herds of them and they were amazing to see. They were immense animals just grazing away and also clearly shedding their heavy winter coats. They also had their cute babies. For cute in a prairie, you can't get much cuter than the prairie dogs. They were beyond adorable and with their cute little babies were fun to watch just tentatively poking their heads above ground to see what the adults were up to. They were so much fun to watch popping in and out of their burrows.

Very early on Sunday morning found us driving to Wyoming to see Devil's Tower. If you remember Close Encounters of the Third Kind, you know Devil's Tower. It was magnificent and you could definitely tell it is a spiritual place. While geologists are still not 100% sure how this unique structure formed, the Native Americas say it was formed when a giant bear was chasing several maidens. The maidens hopped on a flat rock and prayed to the Great Spirit for help. As they prayed the rock grew and the grooves on the side of the rock are from the bear's immense claws. The maidens turned into the constellation Pleiades.

We stayed in the gold mine town of Lead (pronounced like lead a horse). It is a mile high city that has an open pit gold mine. The amazing thing about the town is how fluid it is. I mean because the town is crisscossed by tunnels they occasionally have to move buildings to a different part of town. A church brick by brick, the school, a dancehall, and homes all on the move based on where the mines took them. That has to be so odd to have buildings changing locations. The mine in Lead is no longer in the gold business but is instead being used for scientific research.

Every where we hiked you were reminded to take care where you stepped lest you meet a rattlesnake!

Our last stop was the amazing Badlands. It was like nothing I have ever seen before. The landscape was otherworldly and beautiful. The landscape was interesting because parts were devoid of anything green and just clay as far as the eye could see. It was like being on another planet! Then another hike we took there were beautiful wildflowers, grass and cactus (not a combination you often see) almost like a field. We got up before the sunrise on our last day to watch the sun rise in the Badlands. It was early but definitely worth it.

Date Night at the MFA

I have indeed been a busy social butterfly and having a great time. I met someone new and we have been having a great time getting to know each other. On a recent date, I actually managed to utter probably the most random question I have ever asked a date. The question being "Do you want to see the mummy's head?" We were at an exhibit at the MFA (Museum of Fine Arts) so it wasn't all together random but indeed not anything I have ever asked a date. His enthusiasm showed that the question was well received!

It's been fun sharing my world and learning about his. It's sad that both of us come to each other after being treated badly by the last people in our lives. For me I am still angry at myself for allowing a boy to treat me in such a disrespectful manner. The lying, the lack of maturity, the indecision and taking me for granted are something I will never allow to happen again. Luckily while those have left their mark, things between us are very positive. And go a long way to making the bad way each of us had been treated pale in comparison to what a good time we've been having.

Aquageddon

It was quite the week and weekend. Cambridge Science week, oil spill in the Gulf, car bomb in Times Square, unseasonably warm weather which made it feel like July instead of May, a new person in my life, and friends moving out of state. Of course this all pales against Aquageddon, which has to be the most awkward word ever. Just trying to pronounce it is like having a mouth full of marbles. The water main break that caused chaos for many communities was interesting to say the least. It made eating out a bit of challenge but was certainly not in evidence when I took this picture Friday night. I love walking over the Charles from Cambridge to Boston and the weather was perfect to do just that.

With all this going on, I managed to break a personal record by having three dates in the weekend. The record was the fact it was three dates with the same person. Another first was getting flowers on our first date. The special part was that he had the flowers delivered to the restaurant so when we walked in there they were! It was so incredibly sweet and thoughtful. He is someone who was entirely unexpected but so very much fun. Dinners, desserts, flowers, and a movie I have been dying to see kept me entertained and up way past my bedtime. It was so nice to laugh and get to know someone new. It actually feels odd not having a date with him tonight but a busy girl needs some time to herself :-) And of course date #4 is already scheduled.

On the home front, my home office renovation is in full swing. I adore my new desk and can't wait for the file cabinet to arrive (especially since I got rid of the old file cabinet last week). I have definitely taken to doing a huge Spring cleaning and purge and the efforts are starting to pay off. Life is indeed good :-)

Oh Canada

I oddly still feel like I am catching up from being in Canada. My email inbox certainly has not gotten completely cleaned out. It was a great trip and probably my favorite work trip of the series I have done this year. The people in Ontario were so friendly, the training went very well and I loved the hotel we stayed at. Of course seeing Niagara Falls was amazing. The sheer power of the water was amazing to see and I am glad I did.

Today was a delightfully sunny day. It was an utterly chaotic day at work (aren't they all) but it had some great high points. Seeing people I really enjoy and getting presents is always fun! I did get dragged into some on going drama that makes me feel like I am in a bad relationship. After dealing with a friend's bad relationship I certainly do not need a bad work relationship. I am in the middle (which oddly seems to happen often lately) and the work one is a he said-she said and I am providing IT proof of who was doing work or not. It gets to the point that you have to wonder how much effort are you going to continue to give if the person you are trying to help lies to you. Thoroughly icky but I am trying to keep myself above it. The aforementioned gift did indeed help.

Easter Sunday

My orchids seems to all be very happy right now. I've got three in bloom and two ready to go. It's really nice and the one in the photo above has definitely cheered up my bedroom.

Last week was grueling. Too many hours worked, too many stressful conversations and I was wiped by the time Friday hit. I was happy to leave work early and take the afternoon to myself. The weather was absolutely beautiful and that continued through the whole weekend. It was the perfect antidote to all the rain.

I had a completely unexpected conversation with my Mom on Saturday that took me off guard. I was fortunate to be heading out Saturday evening to see a dear friend and attend a private harp concert she was putting on. It proved to be a time of unexpected grace and comfort. It's always a nice reminder to hear from people that share your experiences. It makes the world seem a bit smaller. I left the evening feeling more at peace than I have been in a long time. It's amazing what the power of community and sound can do for you.

Aftermath

It's been such amazing weather here. I do not mean amazing in a good way. The sheer amount of rain has been unprecedented. We have become adept at detours because a road is blocked by water. Weather forecasts, instead of bringing advisories about snow totals, are chock full of rivers and when they will crest. Trees just knocked over, potholes and chunks missing out of the roads, puddles in the middle of lawns as there is nowhere for the water to go. My parents have gained a lake in their yard complete with ducks who are enjoying the new place to land. As my friend pointed out it does indeed seem to be raining ducks because they are everywhere. I did see a Great Blue heron at swollen brook on my walk this evening. At least the birds seem happy about all this water.

It was indeed a welcome respite to attend the Boston Flower show last weekend. After is was cancelled last year (thanks a lot MassHort for screwing that up), the show resumed in a new location. My usual partner, my Mom, was felled by a nasty stomach flu so I was on my own. I missed having her with me.



The flowers were beautiful and it just smelled like Spring. I did get too close to a cactus that left a few tiny, fine as hair spikes in my hand that took a lot of time with tweezers to remove. The animals made out of flowers were clever and the large aviary had doves, parakeets, pheasants and comically cute Bobwhite quails.



It does indeed feel like a hard won Spring. Winter was not too brutal here this year but it still took it's toll. It seems that more than just me is ready to put the last month behind and have a fresh start.

Travel Musings

Of course I no sooner put away my suitcases from my month on the road when my boss informs me I will be heading to Toronto next month. It just figures. So it seemed time to list some of the observations I made with my latest travels.

-Fig Newtons are lousy travel snacks. They are way too smushy and become one giant Newton in your carry on bag. They still taste good though.

-Traveling with many chargers - 6 laptop, iPhone, 4 Blackberry (AT&T and Verizon)and bluetooth headset caused many eyebrows to raise. It also garnered me surprise and much gratitude from the man at baggage claim who needed a charger.

-After staying in multiple hotels you begin to forget just what your room number is. 1401. 1605. 639. 435. They all begin to blur together. The same thing with cities. I'm in Detroit. I mean Dallas. Oh wait, where am I again?

-I never turn on the tv in a hotel room. This is partly due to me spending hardly any time there and also because I like the peace and quiet.

-I love the free toiletries but really don't need them as I have a drawer full.

-I always look at the room service menu, though I rarely order.

-I love hotels that have an iPod dock and robes. I am not happy with the ones which give you neither. Oh and mints, chocolate or tiny brownie bites on your pillow are all welcome. Making me search your cleverly designed room for where the heck the iron is hidden does not make me happy.

-When you fly out of the same terminal 3 days in a row, people at Starbucks start to recognize you.

-Boarding passes make great bookmarks.

-Hotels have started giving little pads of paper and not pens, but pencils for meetings. I love it but if you're going to give me a roomful pencils at least give me a pencil sharpener.

-Sleeping in your own bed is always so wonderful!

Whirlwind

Well this indeed has been the month of many places for me. It started with a weekend in Miami and some very welcome warm weather and time to just sit on the beach and relax. Then it was off to Fort Lauderdale and the ridiculously big hotel room. It was nice but far too big for practical purposes. Then it was a drive to Albany. Then back on plane to Charlotte ahead of the giant blizzard that clobbered DC the first time. Three hours in the car driving in the driving rain brought me to South Carolina to spend a weekend with my Grandparents. I got to catch up on some sleep, was so well fed (soup, carrot cake pancakes, the peanut butter cup brownies) and had a great time chatting with my grandparents. I had such a good time that it was so hard to say goodbye and head back to Charlotte for my meeting.

Then it was off to Dallas. This was a good trip but it was filled with more drama than the other legs of my trip. My trip to this point had me in places with unseasonably cold temperatures. Dallas took the cake with snow. Lots of snow.

It did speed up my training a bit as all of us had planes to catch. After my flight got canceled, I did manage to get on an earlier flight. The last minute decision to grab lunch for the plane proved to be so very wise as it took almost 4 hours to fly the normally 35 minute flight.

Luckily my flight home from Austin was only 20 minutes delayed. It was so nice to land and to have a weekend at home for once. I actually managed to be a bit domestic and cook. I also was able to catch up with friends and resume my social life for a bit.

My next trip was to Detroit. That flight was delayed (and I still have no idea why) which got me to town late. It was a mad rush to get things done and I finally got checked into my room at 7pm that night. And what a room. Soft jazz in the bathroom. Faux fireplace roaring on the tv. Mood lighting. Given I was holding 4 laptops and had work to do, the mood was totally lost on me. And it took me forever to find the light switch! The only other drama for Detroit was the delicious, but extremely hot, cauliflower soup that I burned the roof of my mouth with. I should have eaten that first bite more slowly but I was starving and I hadn't eaten lunch. I paid for my carelessness for the next four days.

My final trip was to Portland. I was thrilled to be spending the weekend with my friend and enjoying some warm weather for once. It was sunny and almost 60 degrees out. We had spa day and got pampered. After a month on planes, my poor skin didn't know if it was coming or going. Shopping, eating, talking until the wee hours of the morning and walking along the beach were all a nice respite from all the hard work I had been doing.

The beach was beautiful and so unlike the beaches here in New England.


My final training went well and the long lunch with my friend before I headed to the airport was a delight. We went to one of my favorite places and splurged on the side of fries with our sandwiches and dessert! We also discussed our love of the salt water taffy we had bought at the beach. It was so good but neither one of us could stop eating it!

It was such a good trip that even the grueling 4 hour flight delay home did not dampen the fun. I arrived home later than expected and to a winter storm that was dumping rain after dumping a bunch of snow. Getting back in to the swing of things was tough as my body had adjusted to being on the West coast. I did get myself caught up on sleep this weekend and am ready to head into a new month ready to go.

Fun in the Snow

I am indeed a fan of snow, but this past weekend was a bit much. It snowed for three days. Granted the accumulation wasn't as dramatic as that sounds but it still meant shoveling, brushing the car off, bundling up to go out and peeling off layers once back inside. Repeat that a few times and you've got the idea.

After having some rare time off from work, I took full advantage. I got a lot of things done and finally got to try out my new cross country ski poles. After my spectacular lack of coordination caused me to bend my poles last year, I got another pair.

They worked perfectly and it was great to be outside. The sun peeked out for a few minutes, the snow was fluffy and it felt so good to shake off the cobwebs and get a good workout in. I was very happy and had a huge smile on my face when I walked in the door. I can't wait to get back out and go again.