Giving Thanks

I had started this post yesterday morning before heading out to my Mom's house. I had a list of things I was thankful for and how I love Thanksgiving (especially all that great food).

I would like to be able to say that my Thanksgiving was perfect but alas cannot. Barring the turkey and additional family members at the table, it frankly did not feel like Thanksgiving at all. Things with my Mom did not get off on the right foot and she and I never hit a stride after that. My Aunt arrived and offered another set of hands to help but things with my Mom were a bit tense. When she dropped the turkey (thankfully upright and on the oven door) my blood pressure was through the roof and patience utterly gone. And of course, I felt bad for reacting that way.

I know my Mom has her demons that she has been trying to battle. And I appreciate her efforts but am once again disappointed that things are not different. I feel foolish because I allowed myself to have the barest of hope that this time she would get her act together and come to her senses. I am currently devoid of hope.

I could not wait to get home last night and put an end to the day. I spent the evening on my couch, cat in my lap, tea in hand, magazine to read and tissues nearby. Really not how I wanted to celebrate the holiday.

I am utterly worn out. I am a strong person but really feel at the end of my rope. I feel bruised, actually more like being chewed up and spit out. I wanted to hide today and lick my wounds but I am happy that I roused myself to go and see a movie I wanted to see.

So I am trying to be grateful for what I have but am not really thankful for this feeling that I am not important to people in my life.

Weekend Dreams

I am not sure what was in the air this weekend but it seemed prime for a bevy of odd dreams. I had a dream about a wedding and my inappropriate wedding guest. As it turns out so did my Mom. The difference was that while my guest was human, my mom's guest was feline. My feline to be exact. While my cat likes people, I can assure you he would make a terrible wedding guest.

Another friend of mine was lucky enough to have me make a guest appearance in his dream. Except he got a rather rude version of me that left me feeling like I needed to apologize for the behavior of the dream me. Those who know me can vouch I am not a rude person during waking hours!

It was funny as dreams were indeed quite on my mind this week. Not the nocturnal kind per se but the kind that deal with what I want. I've got some things I am not quite happy with in my life that I need to make some decisions about. Luckily yoga this morning helped a bit and some time this week to clear my head should do the trick.

Trick or Treat

Of course when one thinks of Halloween of course it brings to mind pumpkins, black cats,candy corn, orchids. Yes, orchids at the annual orchid show at Tower Hill.

This year brought a very blustery Halloween. As night fell, the howling wind and dark was really quite spooky. The wind was also not very helpful to the wings that my costume required. I was a bee. Not a slutty bee however (given the alarming trend of women's Halloween costumes to be quite inappropriate I feel the need to clarify).

My costume started with a bright yellow t shirt that I merely needed to apply stripes to. It was easier that is sounds. Luckily I know my way around a fabric store so I was able to solve the problem after three attempts. My initial thought of using black duct tape and then ribbons and iron-on interfacing were both spectacularly unsuccessful. The winner was black fabric paint. Of course, one curious feline made her mark on my white kitchen floor by walking over the wet shirt. Luckily the prints wiped right off the floor and her paws.

If was a fun evening with a bunch of trick or treaters outside my door, antenna that did not quite prove to be so easy to drive with and wings. The wind did indeed cause an issue so I had to tuck my wings under my coat to arrive at my friend's Halloween Housewarming party. It was a fun evening with some interesting costumes and great conversation. The best line of the night from a person I had just met was "When not being a bee, what do you enjoy doing?" All in all, it was a very Happy Halloween.